Allowing Time and Grace

This past October, my Dad passed away. I had been his caretaker for about four years, and this past year, pretty much solo as my hubby had to take a job away from home. It was a very tough year, and Dad's health took a turn for the worst in August, leading to two weeks in the hospital before he died. I have had a tough time dealing with my grief, and I'm still dealing with it.

No one is really prepared for a loved one to die. And no one is really taught the basics of grieving. Thankfully, wise friends and family have been there, but I've not allowed myself the opportunity to grieve. I don't like to cry. Now, I did cry non-stop for about a week after he died, and then sporadically the months after. I cried in my car. I cried in my room. I hid my grief as if it was shameful, because many people don't want to deal with someone else's grief after about a week - they're done with it, so perhaps you should be too...? And so I tucked away my emotions, smothering my tears and crying in secret.

After a few months, the wife of my pastor, a wonderful lady and friend, asked to meet with me. We sat for two hours at a coffee shop, dancing around topics that had to do with normal, everyday life. Then we circled in on me. Jenn doesn't beat around the bush. She told me to allow myself time. It's okay to cry and grieve. I've faced a huge loss, the loss of a parent, and the grieving process requires time. No amount of suppression will make it go away. She offered me time, a shoulder and grace. I needed that - someone to sit me down, look me in my teary eyes and tell me TAKE TIME.

Here I am, 3 1/2 months after my Dad has passed away, and I'm still dealing with burial things, headstones, phone calls looking for him, etc. Every now and then I cry. And it's okay. This grieving thing will take time. And grace. And it's okay.

"There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven—  
A time to give birth and a time to die; A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.
A time to kill and a time to heal; A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to mourn and a time to dance."  --Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

An Excellent (and Grieving) Woman