Allowing Time and Grace

This past October, my Dad passed away. I had been his caretaker for about four years, and this past year, pretty much solo as my hubby had to take a job away from home. It was a very tough year, and Dad's health took a turn for the worst in August, leading to two weeks in the hospital before he died. I have had a tough time dealing with my grief, and I'm still dealing with it.

No one is really prepared for a loved one to die. And no one is really taught the basics of grieving. Thankfully, wise friends and family have been there, but I've not allowed myself the opportunity to grieve. I don't like to cry. Now, I did cry non-stop for about a week after he died, and then sporadically the months after. I cried in my car. I cried in my room. I hid my grief as if it was shameful, because many people don't want to deal with someone else's grief after about a week - they're done with it, so perhaps you should be too...? And so I tucked away my emotions, smothering my tears and crying in secret.

After a few months, the wife of my pastor, a wonderful lady and friend, asked to meet with me. We sat for two hours at a coffee shop, dancing around topics that had to do with normal, everyday life. Then we circled in on me. Jenn doesn't beat around the bush. She told me to allow myself time. It's okay to cry and grieve. I've faced a huge loss, the loss of a parent, and the grieving process requires time. No amount of suppression will make it go away. She offered me time, a shoulder and grace. I needed that - someone to sit me down, look me in my teary eyes and tell me TAKE TIME.

Here I am, 3 1/2 months after my Dad has passed away, and I'm still dealing with burial things, headstones, phone calls looking for him, etc. Every now and then I cry. And it's okay. This grieving thing will take time. And grace. And it's okay.

"There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven—  
A time to give birth and a time to die; A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.
A time to kill and a time to heal; A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to weep and a time to laugh; A time to mourn and a time to dance."  --Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

An Excellent (and Grieving) Woman

That's Vita-meata-vegi-min!

With apologies and great love, I reference my favorite I LOVE LUCY episode, wherein Lucy becomes a spokesperson for the primarily alcohol-based supplement Vitameatavegimin. (Watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Rvxxa66Co4&feature=results_video&playnext=1&list=PL0DD3CBDF01B7BB29)

This afternoon I stopped by a local health-food store, mostly hoping to find some wonder supplement to help fight chronic lung issues. The assistant manager spent an hour with me and let me try quite a few things. I left with the orange-flavored Vitamin Liquid and some alkaline water. He also let me try some veggie and fruit powder supplements - tolerable but not wonderful; these help if you're not much into eating fruits and veggies. And I'm going to research something called Protandim, supposed to help your body heal itself.

So, all this to say, I'm heading down another track, hoping it's the right one, researching to find things to bolster energy and immunity. I still have Isagenix protein shakes (which I love), and I'm working on actually eating more fruits and veggies, so hopefully I can hit upon the right combination... I am confident that I am getting better, and that with God, I can find improved health and vitality.

"The LORD’S loving-kindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness" Lamentations 3: 22-23 

So I will do my best to reduce stress, improve the quality of food, and find happiness in every day... And one day soon I will find myself to be...

An Excellent Woman

A new villain has entered the picture...

Funny thing about resolutions... they are often short-lived! I'm holding to my ideal of maintaining all of them, however reality dictates that they are more process than immediately-achievable goals!

So today I became reacquainted with an old nemesis: stress (from both work and humans)! How quickly the calm of two weeks vacation can remove the memory of this over-bearing, pretentious, bad-food-encouraging villain! So although I started the day with my protein shake (Isagenix if you care), but by 10am I had a donut. And although I managed to talk my wonderful lunch buddy into Subway, I caved and had a Dr. Pepper.

Though not serious transgressions, today reminds me that I must figure out how to deal with stress in a healthy way - suggestions are welcome! And although Dr. Pepper is a wonderful indulgence, it cannot be my daily go-to for stress. So... I will be working on this one. Obviously continuously...for now, anyway.

Oh, and another thing I realized last night: as wonderful as Bisquick-coated baked chicken is, it is very hard to count the calories taken in from almost literally licking the foil to get the crispy, greasy bits. So, for now, that's off the menu. But hey, I cooked! And I had broccoli and a baked potato with the chicken, so it was a definite improvement over McDonalds!

And so continues my challenge to become... An Excellent Woman

"So, remove grief and anger from your heart and put away pain from your body, because childhood and the prime of life are fleeting." --Ecclesiastes 11:10

A New Year - A New Life

It's the new year (again), and time for resolutions. After years (many, many years) of sickness, lethargy and unfinished projects and goals, it's time I take control of my life, inasmuch as I can. Over the years, I have spent so much money on diets, medical treatments and garbage masquerading as food. I have also spent SOOO much money on self-help books and so much time researching what it takes to achieve health and happiness. Finally, I have made excuses for not actually dealing with the underlying problems that have led to an overweight, allergy-ridden, asthmatic who frequents doctors and hospitals with a raft of very real ailments.

So what is the verdict? I need to monitor my food, my activity and my money in order to try to heal my body. I believe that putting in good food will help my health, which in turn will reduce doctor's visits, improve focus, clarity and eventually finances. After 40+ years of inputting garbage, I'm diving in to healthy eating and eventually (when my knees and back can take it - per my doctor), exercise will follow. Following the advise of multiple gurus who tell us to tell yourself how good you are - change that recording in your head, thus I've chosen the name An Excellent Woman.

So here's the story:

Our Heroine: An Excellent Woman

The Villains: weak will-power, fried foods, high fructose corn syrup, caffeine, most fast foods, food allergies, asthma

The ending (spoiler alert): health, happiness, success.

This blog will follow the story: the ups, the downs, the good food, the not-so-successful recipes, and I hope you'll suggest things to try. Join me on this journey as I strive to become...

An Excellent Woman